Lost to the Moonlight

Sometimes, life changes so quickly. And sometimes tragedy and joy happen simultaneously. I guess tragedy and joy are always happening simultaneously, but we don't always realize.  My sister gave birth to a little girl and two days later, our kitty was struck down by a car. 

Banjo, our sweet kitty, was less than two years old. She had escaped that day. We live on a high traffic road and tried to keep our two kitties indoors, but they would frequently escape through our store which is connected to our house. Early that day I'd caught her in the road and tried to grab her, chasing her back toward the house. She ran under the porch, where they would go to evade capture because it is very long and we can't get under there, but they can. I should have known she was desperate to find out what was on the other side of that road. I'm sure their keen ears can hear the river. Anyways, I tried to catch her many times that day, but she was determined to stay outside. I do wish I had tried harder. I watched her roll in catnip, roll in drive way dust and turn her black coat grey so that I thought she was her brother, Kazoo. She was really having a splendid day. I wish it could have ended snug on the couch. I tried to get her back in for dinner, but the wild and moonlight was still calling her. I went in to prepare our own dinner and figured there was still time to catch her before darkness. 

When I heard the car screeching in the early evening, I knew I'd made a fatal mistake. I ran out, watching the car drive off without stopping. I yelled frantically for them to come back and help. I scooped her up and brought her to the house, screaming for Jake to find a number so we could try to save her. She was pressed up against me and I couldn't see the damage, I just felt her heart still beating. In truth, she was probably already gone the moment it hit her. I've never held something dying in my arms and I am grateful that she didn't die alone, whether she knew it or not. It was heartbreaking and Jake kept trying to tell me she was gone. The kids had been in the room. I wish I could have shielded them better.  I didn't set her down until her heart beat stopped. We buried her in the moonlight the next day and planted moon flowers by her grave. My poor gentle kitty. We were suppose to have many more adventures with her. 

She loved stories and smelling flowers and was always there for pets and cuddles whenever we sat down. If she were here, she'd be sitting next to key board as I type this or on my lap purring loudly. She loved chasing mice, but I don't think she ever did the grim work of killing them... she left that to her saber tooth brother. I still see her in all the funny spots around the house she liked to frequent... waiting for dinner on the stool she was fed on so Kazoo wouldn't steal her food, her favorite spot in the windows and on the couch and baskets she loved. My heart also breaks for Kazoo who, yes, would steal her food, but was still her best friend on this Earth. And as if all this wasn't enough, we also lost another beloved animal doggy friend to cancer this week belonging to my mother-in-law. He had been with her since Jake and I started dating, over eleven years ago. 

It's all too much sadness, and the world seems to be a mess right now (or maybe, always), but there is always a ray of sunshine somewhere. I am so happy to have a new niece and to have gotten to visit my three year old nephew and nearly one year old niece as well as other family members. It's nice to be an aunty. It's nice to hold a newborn and wear their smell on your hands and clothes and hear their tiny sleepy mumbles and groans. It's easy to forget how tiny new babies can be. Life is so fragile, but so beautiful. What would it be like to be new again and have so many curious things to take in? I am going slow this week and try to pay attention.